Holding Onto A Hearbeat
by Xphila
Summary: Mulder and Scully face the FBI when it finds out Scully has Cancer. Ms bonding.


Title: Holding onto a Heartbeat. Writer: Kimi Smith  Rating: PG Keywords: MS bonding :) Cancer, angst Category: S(tory) A(ngst) Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Skinner and most of the other characters here belong to God himself, Chris Carter, and unfortunately not me ::sigh:: Just borrowing them, I have no money, so there's no point in suing me unless you want a saxophone because I sure as hell don't mind giving that up. Spoilers: Cancer Arc. FEEDBACK: Submit or serve. (PLEASE???) xphila@xphila.freeserve.co.uk Notes: This was written for the xfcancerfic/SEFAMSRN Challenge 1, August. 

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Holding Onto a Heartbeat 1/2 

Kimi Smith  ------------------------------ Scully sighed as she looked round for something to dry her hands on, once again the FBI bathroom was out of paper towels. She walked into one of the cubicles and reached for the toilet paper, succeeding in knocking it off the ring and onto the ground. As she bent down to pick it up her own name caught her ears. She pushed the door to and continued to listen to the two people who had just entered. 

"You didn't hear?" one voice asked, sounding surprised. 

"What?" the other impatient, wanting to hear the gossip her friend was dying to tell her. 

"Agent Scully has brain cancer." Scully felt a surge of panic rise through her and was sure she was going to be sick. She swallowed and tried her best to recover from the blow she'd received, she managed compose herself enough to listen to the rest of what the women were saying as she lowered herself onto the closed toilet seat, using it for support, carefully sliding the lock on the door across. 

"Oh, God, how terrible, how do you know?" The woman's impatience turned to heart-felt pity and genuine distress. 

"It's all over the FBI, I don't know how it got out or who found out but most people know, I'm surprised you didn't." Scully was sure the Agents could hear her thumping heartbeat and erratic breathing. They knew. Everyone knew. The women continued. 

"I feel so sorry for her." 

"What about ol' 'Spooky', how's he going to manage without the Mrs?" Scully felt a burning desire to step out and hit that women. 

"Well, he's cute, he could use me for support any time," they both laughed. Scully felt a lump in her throat. She needed to cry, or else she was going to murder these people. 

"Poor Scully," the first said, "I don't think she told anyone...maybe 'Spooky', so don't mention it to her or anything, OK?" 

"Yeah, sure," her friend assured her. Scully heard the door close as the women left the bathroom. She struggled to her feet. 

Scully opened the door and walked to the mirror, staring at herself. She didn't want to do it but she was going to have to go to Mulder. She needed him right now, she had to let him help her. She knew he wanted to, ever since he she had told him, he had been supportive but she had never drawn on it. Now she had to. 

Scully left the bathroom and found Mulder where she had left him talking to an attractive woman she had never seen before. She walked up to him, trying hard to compose herself. When she reached him she was going to speak but was afraid that she would break down so she just tugged at his sleeve childishly instead. He looked at her, smiled and excused himself from the conversation. 

"Married, two kids," he said immediately, "Don't worry about her," his humour was forgotten as Scully looked up at him. 

"Oh my God, Scully, what is it? What's happened?" he asked, panic-stricken. 

Scully opened her mouth, she drew in a deep breath and then shook her head, allowing him to pull her into his arms without the usual protest, "They know," she choked out. 

"Who?" Mulder asked gently, trying to ignore the few people who were around and were watching them. 

"Everyone." Scully whispered. Mulder pulled away from her and put a protective arm around her, guiding her to the elevator. There were few people on it and all were rapped up in what they were doing so no-one noticed Mulder and his distraught partner and they were left in peace. 

Once they reached the office Mulder pulled her back into his arms, holding her tightly. He was sure he knew what she had meant. The FBI had found out. It had been one of the things he was afraid of, but he'd never thought about what they'd do if it were found out that Scully had a terminal illness. 

How, though? How had they found out? He hadn't told them, he was sure Skinner wouldn't have and Scully definitely hadn't, so how? He couldn't imagine. 

Finally Scully pulled away from his embrace, her face tear-stained and she wiped her eyes with her hand, looking embarrassed for her lack of control and dependence on him. 

"What happened?" he asked finally, once he thought she'd composed herself enough to tell him. 

"They know," she repeated what she had said upstairs. "They all know," she looked up at Mulder, for a fleeting second he thought she was going to cry again but instead she collapsed in her chair and put her head in her hands. 

"What am I going to do?" she asked him, knowing he wouldn't be able to answer her. 

"How do you know?" Mulder asked gently, leaning against the desk in front of her. 

"I heard them talking, two women, I didn't recognise their voices, one told the other that I had brain cancer. She said she didn't know who had found out and that everyone knew." Tears were welling up in her eyes again. "Mulder, I had just been able to...to cope and now...." the tears fell from her eyes and Mulder knelt before her, embracing her again, the same way he had when Missy had died. 

Scully let her head rest on his shoulder. She still felt terrible but whenever Mulder held her he had a calming quality to his hold that made her feel safe. She listened to the regular beat of his heart against her ear and breathed in again, trying to collect herself. 

"Mulder what am I going to do?" she asked again, not letting him go. 

Mulder sighed, "I don't know. You could ignore it. You could deny it or you could tell everyone." 

Scully buried her face in Mulder's shoulder, "I don't like those options, Mulder, I just want you to know." 

"I know," he whispered and pulled away from her. 

"Mulder, I didn't even want my family to know. You are the only person who knows how I want to be treated. My brothers treat my like I'm made of fine china, my mother if terrified and I have Skinner's..." she made a face, "Pity," she spat. "I don't want it, I just want to get on with my life and then this happens! Did you tell anyone?" she suddenly accused. 

Mulder looked amazed she had even suggested it. 

"I haven't told anyone Scully, you know I wouldn't do that." Scully nodded. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you. How do they? How do they know, Mulder?" Her eyes filled with tears again. Mulder stared at her, helpless, he shook his head. 

"I don't know Scully. I really don't." 

"I wanna go home," Scully whispered. Mulder nodded and she accepted that even though she hadn't asked, he would be taking her. Mulder would look after her as best he could. Somehow they'd get through this, she reasoned. But not without a lot of pain, soul-searching and embarrassment, she realised. 

Their drive to Scully's apartment was in silence, companionable but tense, both deep in disturbing thoughts. 

Once home Scully made herself comfortable on the chair while Mulder sat, looking at her, on the couch. 

"There was so much I wanted to do with my life Mulder, when I found out, I said I'd stay at work, that I'd go on as usual but...I can't, Mulder. I can't do it if everywhere I look I see people who know I'm dying." 

"Scully, don't give up," Mulder said, forcefully, "You can't give in, there is a way, I know there is and we'll find it." 

"Mulder, I can't think like that, much as I want to, I have to face up to the fact that I'm terminally ill." 

"Scully..." Mulder started to protest. 

"No, Mulder, do you know how scary it is to be terrified to sleep in case you don't wake up?" 

Mulder shook his head, "Scully, If you ever need me, you know I'll be there." He paused, "Is it that bad?" he asked, thinking that there really was a grave possibility she could die soon. 

Scully shook her head, "No, it's not that bad yet, but it doesn't help. That knowledge doesn't help me. I'm still frightened," she said simply. 

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked sincerely. Scully smiled at him. 

"You could get me something to eat." Mulder smiled back at her. 

"Your wish..." he said. Scully leaned back in her chair and watched Mulder call the number he obviously knew well and order a pizza. Her favourite topping, she noted fondly. 

She moved to the couch to sit next to him as he hung up the phone. 

"Did you mean what you said?" she asked him as he settled himself next to her. 

"About what?" 

"That you'll always be there if I need you." 

"Of course, Scully, any time, day or night, call me and I'll break every existing speed limit to get here." 

Scully smiled at him, "It'll be OK won't it? Whatever I do, we'll get through this, won't we?" 

Mulder nodded, observing her use of 'we', "Yeah," he agreed, "We'll be OK." Scully sighed. 

"You know, I don't know if anyone has ever told you this but you have a grounding quality, you know." She told him. 

"Yeah?" he asked, surprised. 

"Yeah," she agreed, "You can make me stable again. You give me something to hold onto. When I need it." 

"I'm glad," he whispered, taking her hand. They sat in silence for almost ten minutes, thinking their own thoughts, until their dinner arrived. 

As they ate, Mulder noticed with dismay that Scully had lost her appetite considerably. When he questioned her about it she shrugged it off, she'd eaten all she could, Mulder didn't push it, instead he kept an eye on how much she ate, making sure it was enough, at least. 

The spent much of the next few hours in silence. Both were contemplating what do to when the next day arrived. Neither knew. 

Mulder watched Scully, sitting next to him, she yawned. He looked at her face, she looked completely drained and worn out. He reached out to her. 

Scully tensed as his arm went round her. 

"Scully, just relax, I promise, this goes no further." Scully relaxed a little. 

"Now try and sleep," Mulder commanded, "You've had a long, emotional day and I promise, it'll look better in the morning." Scully realised how tired she really was, her eye-lids were heavy and sore from crying. She hadn't been sleeping well, for the reason she had told Mulder and somehow being in his arms provided that calming effect that she had noticed before, lulling her to sleep. 

Mulder smiled to himself as Scully's body relaxed. After a few minutes her breathing became more natural and peaceful as she fell asleep. 

A while later Mulder slipped his arm under her knees and round her back. Scully muttered something in slight protest but put her arms round his neck, still halfway between waking and slumber. 

Mulder carefully took her to her bed room and laid her on her bed, pulling the comforter over her. He kept hold of her hand as he sat on her bed, bringing it to his mouth for a quick kiss before letting go and standing. 

He found a chair across the room and pulled it closer to the bed. Scully rolled over, facing him and he watched her peaceful form and trouble free face as she slept. Wishing he could preserve that sense of well being. 

"You can't leave me, Scully," he told her. "I won't let you, I can't live without you and I'm not going to, understand? I am going to save your life." There was confidence in his voice even though he didn't know how he was going to do it. He just knew that Scully meant more to him than his conscious mind knew and he wasn't going to lose her. 

Mulder never closed his eyes that night, almost afraid to take them of his partner. He watched the rise and all of her chest as she breathed, hypnotised by it. He had been half afraid, from what she's told him, that her sleep was plagued by nightmares as his often was, but she continued to sleep restfully until morning. 

The first thing Scully's eyes focussed on when she woke were those of her partner's. 

"Mulder?" She asked, he voice sleepy, "Have you been here all night?" 

"Yeah," Mulder nodded. Scully accepted the answer without protest. She sat up and looked at him. 

"you didn't sleep, did you?" Mulder shook his head and Scully didn't say anything. 

"Mulder?" 

"Yeah?" She took a deep breath, "Thank-you, for yesterday, I really needed it." Mulder smiled at her. 

"Any time." 

Scully looked over at her alarm clock, she wasn't late for work, she thought, relieved. Mulder stood and went into her kitchen, giving her her privacy. 

When Scully came out she saw he had done his best to settle his appearance, not with a great deal of luck, she thought. He looked up at her. 

"Have you decided what to do?" he asked gently, not wanting to upset her. She nodded and sat down next to him. 

"I think...I'm going to tell them. I'll see if I can make an announcement or something. Do you think it's the right thing to do?" 

"Yes," Mulder replied, "I'm sure everyone will be very sympathetic," he said, thinking to himself he had just used a very wrong word. 

Scully noticed it too, she frowned. "Mulder, I don't want their sympathy," she said loudly, "I don't want their pity! I don't want people to feel sorry for me, that's why I didn't' want to tell anyone, I don't want that." 

"Scully, I'm sorry, Scully, I didn't...that was the wrong word." He reached for her hand and breathed again once she let him hold it. "I meant they'll understand, but, you are going to have people sorry for you, you can't avoid that." 

"I know," she said. "Mulder, um... I'm sorry for yesterday. I, um, well, lost it when I heard what I did and I don't think I've ever done that before, I... I didn't mean to scare you, or to make you think I can't handle this, so, I'm sorry." 

Mulder smiled sadly at her, "And I was glad you were letting me in. Scully, showing when something hurts doesn't make you weak. How many times have you seen me cry, huh? Does that make me pathetic in your eyes?" 

Scully shook her head, "No, I don't think that..." 

"Neither do I," Mulder interrupted her, "You can cry, Scully, it doesn't make me think any less of you and it doesn't stop your being strong. You're human, you can act it." 

Scully smiled at him, she wanted to tell him he was wonderful or that she loved him, or something like that, but she couldn't think of anything to just say like that, so she just smiled, letting her eyes say what she felt. 

Mulder finally broke their gaze, "What do you want for breakfast?" he asked. 

Mulder practically had to force Scully to eat, he was becoming increasingly worried about how much food she was eating. He made a mental note to take her out for lunch more often. 

In return for making her eat, Scully insisted on Mulder going home and changing before they went to work. Before she had to face the music. 

"I can't do this." Scully muttered to Mulder, they had arranged a meeting with Skinner to ask him the best way of letting the majority of the FBI know about Scully's condition. Scully also wanted to insist that she should be the one to tell them. 

"Yeah you can," Mulder squeezed her arm, "Skinner's not that much of a monster." He looked down at. "Are you sure you want to talk to him, I'd do it if you want." 

Scully smiled, "Don't be silly, I have to do this, I don't want everyone to know I let you do everything for me." 

"Well, I won't tell anyone." Mulder whispered as he saw Skinner coming. When he saw them he ushered them into his office. 

"I heard you wanted to talk to me," he said by way of introduction. 

"Yes, Sir, I've...I've become aware that much of the FBI knows that I have cancer and before everyone finds out I'd like to tell them." Mulder marvelled at how steady her voice was. Skinner looked up at her. He wasn't surprised. 

"Scully, I found out this morning that people know and before you jump to any conclusions I would like to assure you that I did not inform anybody about your condition." 

Mulder looked at Scully, he knew she hated people referring to her cancer as a 'condition' but she didn't show it. 

"I didn't think that, Sir," she assured him, "Although if you do find out how people know I would be grateful to hear it." 

"Of course, Agent Scully," he paused, "You want to make an announcement?" 

"Yes, Sir." 

"Are you sure? Scully, I could easily let everyone know if..." 

"No, Sir, I need to do this." 

Skinner looked up at Mulder who was looking intently at Scully. 

"OK, I'm not really sure how to do this but I'm sure you could inform everyone, most people could come to a meeting if you set it up ...but.." 

"Sir," Scully interrupted him impatiently, "This is going to be unpleasant and embarrassing for me whether I tell them like this or find another way, I want to tell as many people I can. I'd rather they heard it from me." 

"OK, Scully, I'll send a memo out to all the agents here. 3 o'clock, in the front conference room, all right?" 

Scully nodded, "Thank-you," she said. 

Mulder hadn't said a word, His eyes were still locked on Scully, "Agent Mulder, could I have a word with you?" he asked as they were on their way out. Mulder nodded to Scully and she left, closing the door behind her. 

"Agent Mulder, I don't wish to talk about Agent Scully behind her back but is she OK?" Mulder heard the undertone in his low voice, he was genuinely concerned about Scully. Mulder knew Scully wouldn't approve but he felt an obligation to at least settle his superior's mind. 

"Sir, she never meant anyone to know and now people have found out somehow she wants to...needs to tell everyone for herself because people are talking. But, she's OK." 

"All right, Mulder." 

"Thank-you, Sir." Mulder left the office and caught up with Scully. 

"What did he say?" she asked, without looking at him, an edge to her voice. 

"Scully, he just wanted to know if you were OK, he's cares about you." 

"He could have asked me, you're not my personal guardian." 

"I'm not?" he tried to lighten the mood. 

Scully ignored it and continued walking. 

"He just didn't expect it and, I think he wanted to know why I hadn't talked you out of it, he didn't mean anything by it." 

"Do you think it's a bad idea?" 

"No, not if it makes you feel better." Scully wasn't sure if it did but she'd done it now, there was no going back. They walked the rest of the way to their office in silence. 

A while later, the silence became too much for Mulder to bare. He had been thankful that they weren't on a pending case and only had paper-work to do but the air was tense. Scully was nervous. 

Every now and then Mulder would sneak a look at her, he could tell she wasn't concentrating. The paper work wasn't immense and usually she would have finished it by now but he could tell she had hardly done any. Finally she broke the silence. 

"Mulder," she whispered, "I'm scared." 

Mulder stood immediately and cross the space between them in a few strides. As he stood in front of her he held out his hand to her, gently holding hers in his. He took the paper she was holding from her and pulled her to her feet, still not touching anything but her hands. 

"You don't have to do this," he said, half-whispering. 

Scully nodded, "Yeah, I do." Mulder didn't argue and let her lean against him. He let go of her hands do place them lightly on her waist in a careful embrace. 

"Scully, whatever you say...they still respect you." 

"Maybe," She agreed, "you know, they mentioned you." 

"What did they say?" Mulder asked, knowing it wasn't good before she'd said it, even without looking at her face. 

"They were wondering what 'Spooky' would do without the Mrs. And they were willing to offer their support. In any way you wanted," Scully told him, coldly, with barely concealed hatred. 

"They don't know, Scully," Mulder tried to reason with her, "They don't know the first thing about us." 

"And they don't care," Scully finished for him. He pulled away to look up at him with grave eyes. "I don't even know who I'm doing this for anymore." 

"Then don't do it." Mulder said, "Scully, do what you want, If...if you don't want to be here then don't be. Leave. Leave the X Files, leave the FBI..." 

"Leave you?" Scully asked accusingly. 

Mulder shook his head, "I can't ask you to do that," he looked at her sadly, "As selfish as I'm being, I need you in my life." 

"I'm going to die," Scully's face lost the composure she'd been fighting for and she let her head fall onto his shoulder again, "You're still going to lose me." 

Mulder pulled away from her roughly, "No! You can't talk like that Scully. I promise you, there is a way, there is a cure and I will go to whatever lengths I have to go to to get it for you. You have to hold on Scully, the moment you give up you're letting your hold slip. Please," He looked into her eyes, with a compassion she had only seen rarely, "Please, Scully, don't leave me." 

Scully took a step forward to lose the gap he had made when he moved away from her, he excepted her back into his embrace. 

"I meant this announcement," was all she said. 

"Oh, I'm sorry." 

She shook her head, "I'm not leaving you, Mulder, and I promise you, I'm not giving up. Look..." She took his hand and placed it on her chest, on her heart. "Can you feel my heart beat?" She asked. 

Mulder nodded, a little shocked by the gesture. 

Scully smiled a small smile, "I'm not giving up on it." 

Mulder moved his hands back to her waist, settling her once again in his arms. He knew that after today, this wouldn't happen. These embraces would be a thing of the past. Never to be brought up again. Tomorrow, Scully would be Dr. Dana Scully, she'd keep her feelings to herself. She cry on her own and she wouldn't ask for his help again. He didn't want her to go through this. But he liked to be able to comfort her. If only for selfish reasons. Comforting her was the only way he could feel better. Consoling her made him feel like he could take away some of the pain, Some of what she was going through, and it made him feel better. 

"You should eat something," he told her, finally pulling away, "You're going to need it." Scully nodded but didn't look convinced. 

"Thing is I'm not hungry." 

"It's worse, isn't it?" Mulder guessed, "You're tired and you've lost your appetite. You have to tell me what's going on, Scully..." 

"Mulder, I don't need this right now, I've told you everything I know myself. Just...lets get something to eat, OK?" 

Mulder nodded. 

Mulder took her to a sandwich bar, surprising Scully with it's apparent quality, unlike most of the places he dragged her to. 

After they ordered Mulder looked at her. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "I shouldn't have pushed like that. I...shouldn't have said that." 

Scully shook her head, "You should, I promise, I'm telling you all I know." Mulder nodded and they continued their lunch in silence. Both wondering what would happen after that announcement. How people would react to it. Mulder knew there would be some who would shun her but he hoped they were the minority. 

End of part 1 

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Holding onto a Heartbeat 2/2 

Kimi Smith 

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Scully was surprised that eating had made her feel better. Mulder had not only insisted on her eating all of her order but had also got her an ice cream on the way back, ignoring her protests. She had enjoyed it, much to her surprise. 

It still didn't help her forget though. She had just under an hour. She began to wish she's never asked to do this. She wish she'd just ignored it. But then people would have been talking about her all the time. Would telling them change that? They'd still gossip. She sighed and rested her head on her hand, ignoring the work in front of her. 

To his credit Mulder didn't interrupt her thoughts. Allowing her to prepare herself for what she had to do. 

Scully thought over what she was going to say again. She was going to keep to the point and make sure that she stressed the fact that she was still as capable of working as she was before. She was trying to work out a way of telling them she didn't want their pity but there didn't seem to be a good was of saying that. 

She looked up and saw Mulder avert his eyes, he had been watching her. 

"Stop worrying," she told him. His lips curved into a sarcastic smile. 

"Oh, and that's easy." 

Scully shook her head, "Of course it isn't, Mulder, I'm the one that has to do this." 

"I know, I'm nervous for you." 

Scully raised her eyebrows and looked at her watch. "You want to go?" She stood and looked at him, expectantly. 

"Scully, no-one will be there yet." 

"I know, but neither of us are doing any work here so we may as well." 

Mulder nodded and stood also, he let her out of the door before following. As they walked through the hall, Mulder tried to keep his mind off the number of people staring at them. At Scully. 

Scully noticed too, "I think they know what I'm going to say," she whispered. 

"Yeah," Mulder replied, "You OK?" 

"For now." she answered. They made their way to the conference rooms, the number of people had diminished to almost none as the entered the Front room. The front part of it was raised and there was a tall book-rest, like a lectern in a chapel. 

Mulder could tell Scully didn't want to do this. He still only just understood why she was going to. She wanted to have the authority on the matter. If everyone was talking about her, she wanted to know about it. And she wanted to make sure everyone knew she knew what they were saying. She needed to be in control. 

Mulder reached out and touched her shoulder, squeezing her arm. "It'll be all right." He tried to reassure her. She nodded. 

"Tomorrow," she agreed. 

Scully sighed and looked at her watch. There was still fifteen minutes. They would have to wait. That was the hardest part. She sat on a chair at the side of the room. She was glad that most people would have to stand, it made it less formal, their attention would be on her but it would be less unnerving. 

"I only want to talk to them for five minutes," she said, "Do you think this is over the top?" 

Mulder thought about the question then shook his head, "No," he said carefully, "If everyone had seats, then it would be over the top." 

Good, Scully thought, he felt the same as she did. She looked up at him and smiled. 

"The waiting game." 

3:00pm 

Scully's legs had turned to jelly. She had spoken publicly many times, to more people that were here. She had done presentations to more people than this. But this matter was so different to a presentation on a type of chromosome, or on the other things she had done when she was a medical student. This was personal. Too personal to be sharing with this many people. But most of them already knew. 

She reminded herself that this wasn't the first time this had happened. There had been at least three other announcements made in this way. She had been to a wedding announcement, when one Agent was pregnant and another time when a man told his co-workers he had been diagnosed with AIDS. What she was doing was no different from the last. She wasn't alone. 

She felt someone take her hand and looked up at Mulder. 

"Ready, Partner?" he asked. She smiled, he hadn't called her that for a while. 

She nodded and swallowed. "As I'll ever be." 

Mulder nodded and kissed cheek gently. "Good luck." He released her hand and smiled a worried smile at her. She nodded. 

"Thanks." 

Their conversation didn't go unnoticed. Scully saw Agents turning to their friends asking if Mulder had just kissed his partner, or where they dreaming. Well, she reasoned, it would give her another thing to talk about. She took a deep breath and started. 

This was going to be embarrassing. 

"Thank-you for coming," she started, amazing herself with the strength of her own voice. "Most of you already know what I'm about to tell you but before everyone does I wanted to be the one to tell you." She looked round at the sea of faces, from the look on most of them, the majority knew what to expect. She recognised only a few of them. Agents she'd never seen where there. They'd heard of her. 

"A few months ago I was diagnosed with Cancer. Inoperable and Untreatable." She paused as the people in front of her made a sympathetic sound. "I'm not seeking any conventional or unconventional treatment and I intend to carry on working for as long as I'm able. I'd like you all to know that I am still just as capable of doing my job now as I was before and I'd appreciate it if the way...you treated me didn't change. I've chosen to continue on the X Files with Agent Mulder rather than do a desk job which means I'm still out in the field and I am stable. I'm able to do this still, for now." She finished. "I'm sorry I had to call you all out to tell you that, but I know that somehow, it's been found out and I wanted to tell you myself. So thank-you." 

Scully was surprised my the applause she received as she walked blindly off the platform, straight into Mulder's arms. 

"I'm dizzy," she told him, in a whisper. He tightened her arms as her head began to clear. 

"I think you're OK," he whispered back, "You did it." Finally she took a step back from him. 

"I'm really... proud...of you, Dana." 

"Dana?" she smiled, "You make me sound like a kid who just read her book review to the class." 

Mulder smiled back, "You know what I mean." Scully nodded. He took a step towards her. "I think you've got some well-wishers," he whispered in her ear as he looked at a small crowd of people near to them, "I'll wait outside, OK?" Scully nodded and Mulder walked away from her to the door. 

Scully looked up at the eight or so people wanting to talk to her, a middle aged woman, she recognised as Assistant Director Cassidy, whom she had had some contact with when she fist joined the bureau, broke the silence. 

"Agent Scully, I know we haven't seen eye to eye in the past, but I think that what you just did was very...courageous, for lack of a better word, I want to wish you all the best." Several people behind her shouted their agreement to her and Scully smiled. 

"Thank-you..." AD Cassidy cut her off by moving towards her and putting her arms round her. Amazed at the move, Scully returned the hug. 

The AD pulled away, "Good luck," she smiled. Scully smiled back. and watched, still in surprise as the woman walked away. A few people wished her the best and left. An old, man, at least sixty, came up to her and took one of her hands in both of his. 

"You are a good person Agent Scully, you are very brave." 

Scully smiled at him, "Thank-you...Sir." 

"You hold onto Agent Mulder, I can see, in his eyes, you are more precious than anyone else could ever know." 

Scully looked at him curiously. 

"I can see what people think. Hold onto him, Agent Scully. He'd be lost without you." 

Scully nodded and let the man leave without question. 'He'd be lost without you.' The man had just voiced what she was most scared of. Leaving Mulder. She was afraid of what he would do. To himself. To everyone else. She was brought out of her thoughts by another Agent wishing to speak to her. She instantly recognised the voice. 

"Agent Scully..." 'Oh God, how terrible.' This was one of the women who she'd overheard. 

"Scully?" The woman asked again. Scully shook herself out of her thoughts and back to the present. 

"Yeah, Sorry." 

"Um, I....really sorry. I...know that's probably not what you want to hear but I am and...I think I know where people got the information from." 

Scully looked around, the only other people in the room were leaving. 

"Do you know Craig Daniels?" 

Scully nodded slowly, the name sounded familiar, "I know of him." she replied. 

"Well, he has...a...crush on you and he found out on the internet, he hacked into some files or something, I'm sorry, I don't really know, he told someone. I'm sorry, you had to do this." 

"That's OK, it wasn't your fault." 

"If you talk to Craig, don't...mention me. I'm not supposed to tell anyone." 

Scully smiled at the woman, "I don't think I'll talk to Craig, but if I do, I promise. I don't even know your name." 

"Amelia Davies." She smiled and held out her hand. "Good Luck." she said and with that made her exit. 

Scully sat down on the stage and let out a deep breath. She had done it. But she had never wanted to have had to. She put her face in her hands. A few minutes later, she felt someone's arms around her and allowed Mulder to rap her in his arms. Letting her cry, for as long as she wanted. Rocking her gently, stroking her hair. 

After a while he loosened his grip and let her lean against him. Neither spoke, Mulder continued to stroke her hair and kiss her hair gently. She relaxed in his arms, deciding that for the last time she could let him just hold her. Comfort her. Before she had to go back to being her old self. Before she had to go back to comforting him. 

Once she had dried her tears and straightened herself out, Mulder and Scully started to their office. On the way they were stopped by people giving Scully sympathy, and best wishes messages. Maybe people would all be as understanding as he hoped. 

"I know how they found out," Scully told him, as they walked, "And I know how." Mulder raised his eyebrows. 

"Who?" 

"Guy named Craig Daniels. He apparently has a crush on me and looked me up online. Hacked into my FBI medical files, I think. And he...broadcasted it to the rest of the FBI." 

Mulder frowned, "Are you going to talk to him?" 

Scully shook her head, "There's no point, it happened. It's done." 

Mulder shook his head, "No it isn't! You can't just accept that this man had not only invaded your privacy but has shouted it around the Bureau, you can't be serious! Don't you mind?" 

"Of course I mind, Mulder, but I don't think he really meant anything by it. I don't want to cause trouble. Not now." 

"I'll kill him." Mulder whispered, menacingly. Scully stopped in her tracks. 

"No you will not," she ordered sharply, "You let me deal with it. Don't go near him. Promise me, Mulder, I don't want either of you getting hurt." 

"Oh that's charming, what makesyou think he'll hurt me?" 

"I'm more worried about him," Scully lowered her voice and took his arm. "Please, Mulder, please leave it." Mulder looked at her, seeing she wasn't going to back down and nodded. 

"Promise?" Scully asked. He nodded again. "I mean it, Mulder." He squeezed her arm. 

"I promise, if that's what you want." Scully smiled at him. 

When they finally reached the office Scully went straight back to work. Now the huge weight had been taken of her mind she could concentrate. Mulder could not. He kept looking at her. For the first time he had seriously recognised that if he didn't do something, his partner had less than a year to live. 

"Scully," he said finally, she looked up at him. 

"You know how much I care about you?" he asked. Scully nodded, putting the pen she was holding down. 

"Of course, Mulder. I know." Mulder nodded and tried to smile with limited success. 

"Just checking," he replied, the tears shining in his eyes giving him away. "You want a lift home, or are you OK?" he asked, standing. 

"I'm OK, Mulder, I'll finish up here first, though." Mulder nodded and Scully stood. She walked over to him. 

"Mulder," she said quietly, asking him to look at her, his eyes met hers and she watched him blink back tears. She reached up to take his face in her hands and kissed his jaw lightly. "Thank-you." She whispered. Mulder nodded as she pulled her hands away from his face. He began to leave. 

"You know, Scully, I meant what I said." He said. Knowing that it was his last chance to talk to her about this. Knowing that she would only appreciate it today. 

Scully looked up at him, concentrating on his words, acknowledging the raw emotion and feeling behind them. 

Before he left he said "If you ever need me, I will always be there for you." 

the end. 

------ 


End file.
